I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
