Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
