1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
