She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
