i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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