I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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