i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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