I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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