its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
What a dumb baby whore.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
