i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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