Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize