I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
