you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
