i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
