i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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