I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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