He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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