She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I know her cup size but not her name....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
