No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize