I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's never too late to be topless.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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