ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
