I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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