his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
