I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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