Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
