Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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