Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
