look no pants
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I have aggressive nipples.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize