i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
