its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
