Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
