i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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