there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
