I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
