Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
