you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
