you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Im part way to drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
