I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
