The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sex in a hospital.. check
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
