Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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