I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
