btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
