You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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