dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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