apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
