You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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