Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
