Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's never too late to be topless.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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