Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Randomize