I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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