They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
