I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Text me some of your sweat
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
