Acid is not a monday night drug
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Two words: nipple clamps
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