so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
