Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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