We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
