fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
