im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
