weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize