and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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