Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
