well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
