I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
