the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
