i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
