They should really pass out barf bags in church
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
