sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
