Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize