I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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