I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
