I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You pole danced in your parka.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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