he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
