Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
