i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
