That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
