If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
