I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I looked at my own cervix.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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