Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
