Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
