So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Sext me about skeletons
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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