If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
