i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
