You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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