Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize