There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
