u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
