i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
