Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
