I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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