Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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