I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
