Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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