I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize