I only kidnapped one of them. chill
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
