He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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