the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
