So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize