you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
