I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
