just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
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