i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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