We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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