We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
