Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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