i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
