guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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