a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize