come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
