One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
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