He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
