I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
