Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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