So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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