We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
