Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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